Whatever you call it, it has a way of making things interesting and even depressing. I guess it just depends on however one decides to look at it. As of late I have moved from the totally depressing side of things to a better outlook on life. Oh sure nothing is perfect and I still have those times where I am really down but they are less frequent and not as depressing as they were in the past.Why has this happened is somewhat complex but simple in its own right. Due to discovering that one of the medications I was taking for my COPD was causing severe negative side effects such as hearing voices and even having hallucinations plus major depressive order. Granted I've struggled with depression most of my life, this was something different and much more dangerous. My doctors immediately took me off the medication and put me on a different one. But the bigger changes came thru seeing both a Mental Health Therapist and a Shrink.Prior to finding out the cause of my bizarre behavior I was in the midst of a mental breakdown in which I had no control or very little understanding of what was happening to me other than I was exhibiting behaviors that I would never do under normal circumstance. Fortunately my friend Chris stood by me despite it all and took charge of getting me the help I needed.During this period I retired from the Boeing Company because of paranoia and I was just no longer able to work. It was a struggle to go to work every day much less just get through the day in a normal fashion and my attitude and behavior showed that. In part that I left under the circumstances in which I did some assumed that I had been terminated which was far from the truth and I have no regrets for leaving, it was the right thing for me to do at the time.So today I am finding a comfortable routine in being retired now. I started collecting fish and now have 4 aquariums. Three are freshwater and one is a saltwater tank. I have also started playing golf once again which brings me to one of the best parts of this story. Her name is Christine and she is my BFF in life and on the course. We play golf regularly at the American Lake Veterans Golf Course (ALVGC) in Lakewood WA. We have fun and finish each other sentences at times. We are close in age which I will not reveal but also have so much in common with each other our friendship was described as being old. Spending time with Christine simply put is fun and relaxed. A little about ALVGC, it is the only golf course of its type in the US. It is run completely by volunteers. It is designed so handicapped veterans can play golf. It is a regular course in appearance and par for the course is 72. But all sand traps are shallow on the outside so they can be accessed by handicapped golf carts. Everything about the golf course is accessible for the handicapped. I love playing there and the place has the feel of family in its people. I have never had a single issue about being trans and the people accept me as Stephanie.I have also signed up to receive my VA benefits (thanks to Christine encouraging me to and holding my hand thru the process) due me from my time in the military. I have my first doctor's appointment in September and from that I will be able to get help for my HRT and other transgender related issues. Yes, they do not discriminate; even us Transgenders can get help there.So how does all of this have anything to do with fate or life? Well one thing leads to another. If I hadn't retired when I did I probably would have never met Christine (who also happens to be a volunteer at the golf course) who encouraged me to start playing golf again and to sign up for my VA benefits. Under which I will finally have a doctor who can see me for my GID. Possibly have one of my surgeries which would be one step closer to my goal of gender surgery. But also Chris who encouraged me to seek out the mental health help I so desperately needed at that early time which led me to where things are today.I have reached out to a couple people from my Boeing days but so far I haven't heard from them in a regular fashion. I have also reestablished contact with one of my former customers when I was truck driving thru Facebook. So things have settled into a routine that is comfortable, my health is ok and I have a social life thru golf that I am comfortable with. If you are someone who still looks at my website now and again and reads this I can also be found on Facebook. I love chatting with friends and acquaintances.